An Obituary printed in the London Times – Interesting and sadly rather true.

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who
has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was,
since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:

- Knowing when to come in out of the rain;
- Why the early bird gets the worm;
- Life isn’t always fair;
- and maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don’t spend
more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children,
are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but
overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy
charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens
suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher
fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the
job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly
children. It declined even further when schools were required to get
parental consent to administer sun lotion or an aspirin to a student;
but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted
to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses;
and criminals received better treatment than their victims. Common
Sense took a beating when you couldn’t defend yourself from a burglar
in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to
realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in
her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement. Common Sense was
preceded in death, by his parents, Truth and Trust, by his wife,
Discretion, by his daughter, Responsibility, and by his son, Reason.

He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, I Want It Now,
Someone Else Is To Blame, and I’m A Victim

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If
you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do
nothing

Character assassination is an attempt to tarnish a person’s reputation. It may involve exaggeration or manipulation of facts to present an untrue picture of the targeted person. It is a form of defamation and can be a form of ad hominem argument.

For living individuals targeted by character assassination attempts, this may result in being rejected by his community, family, or members of his or her living or work environment. Such acts are often difficult to reverse or rectify, and the process is likened to a literal assassination of a human life. The damage sustained can last a lifetime or, for historical figures, for many centuries after their death.

In practice, character assassination may involve double speak, spreading of rumors, innuendo or deliberate misinformation on topics relating to the subject’s morals, integrity, and reputation. It may involve spinning information that is technically true, but that is presented in a misleading manner or is presented without the necessary context. For example, it might be said that a person refused to pay any income tax during a specific year, without saying that no tax was actually owed due to the person having no income that year.

The aforementioned Wikipedia quote summarizes what I have been going through for the past few months. One of the major tests Allah (s.w.t.) has given me is to deal with the fall out from slander and backbiting. Recently, I made a choice that many people in my community did not agree with. This resulted in rumors and gossip spreading. There have been a great deal of assumptions made about me and my character. The rumors and gossip eventually turned into slander and backbiting whose end result is character assassination. I am in no way a good comparison to Aisha (r.a.) but I can imagine the pain she must’ve felt when people accused her of doing something she did not do. Aside from the backbiting, innuendo and assumptions (if I could even begin to put them aside), as a woman, there is nothing more horrific than having people say or imply that you committed the egregious sin of zina when you know you have been chaste. At first, I brushed the rumors off, chalking them up to childishness and misinformation on part of some. Eventually, I realized why slander is a major sin in Islam. (Particularly when the slander is of the sexual nature and in relation to a woman’s chastity). It is very difficult to recover from such attacks once the word has been put out there. When people meet you, whatever they were told or heard about you precedes you. As a woman, slander may influence any future choice for marriage, put you honor into question, and make it difficult for you to feel comfortable in your community. For now, I am wearing a scarlet letter.

Alhamdulillah, I am a strong person and I understand some things about life. I ask Allah (s.w.t.) to vindicate me. I ask Allah’s forgiveness for anything I have done wrong. I ask Allah (s.w.t.) never to make my wrongs fair-seeming to me. And most importantly, I ask Allah to help and to guide us all. Ameen.

How can a person cope with backbiting, slander and character assassination?

Everything I have: my skills, my abilities, my intelligence, my strength, my beauty, my love, my knowledge, my relationships, and my material possessions are from Allah. If a person despises me, is jealous of me or works to undermine any of that then they should know they are fighting Allah (s.w.t.) and not me. I can only be successful by Allah’s leave. I can only fail because of some inadequacy on my part or because it is part of Allah’s divine decree.

When facing adversity (especially in regards to other human beings) or even striving for something better, I remind myself:

“…If the whole nation were to gather together to benefit you they would only benefit you with that which Allaah had already written for you and if the whole nation were to gather to harm you they could only harm you with that which Allaah had already written to harm you. The pen has been lifted and the ink has dried (a phrase meaning: everything has been decreed or settled)”. [At-Tirmithi]

In the language of the hood: you can’t knock the hustle…

Alhamdulillah, I am doing better. Things have been CRAZY but Allah is always merciful. If I told you what I have been experiencing your jaws might drop. One of the things that happened to me is when I contacted various people in the community about my ex’s death they came in and completely took over, thereby excluding me. Their actions were hurtful to me on so many levels. One person actually tried to exclude me from viewing my ex’s body on the grounds that he is not Islamically “lawful” to me. WTH? I snapped on him telling him that I have seen more of my ex’s body than any of them. Besides, my ex and I had several conversations about him wanting me to take care of any arrangements in the event that he died in the United States (even after we were no longer together.) I agreed to do so. When I was prevented from being fully involved…it was like someone knocked the wind out of me. But Allah is merciful and he is the best of planners.

I was finally able to speak with my ex’s family in Mauritania through an interpreter. They thanked me for all that I have done (alhamdulillah) and told me I’m part of their family forever. Their words made the chaos, stress and hurt over being mistreated/excluded disappear. I pray that Allah make it easy for them. Ameen. Now, insha’allah, I am preparing to see what will happen with the criminal case and plan to attend the hearings.

There are some other developments in my life which I am not at liberty to discuss right now but know that Allah has truly blessed me. I asked for an epiphany this Ramadan and that is exactly what I received. Subhanallah!

After my crazy week- crying, stressing, phoning, writing, and ripping and running I have finally settled down enough to think. I am have been reflecting on the lesson(s) my ex’s sudden death has taught me. Allah knows best but maybe I will learn more as I sort through my grief and make sense of this whole thing in my head.

The first lesson I’ve learned, which probably will sound cliche to most people, is you never know which day will be your last day. In fact, you never know which day will be someone else’s last day. I need to be mindful of how interact with people; how I speak to them, how I treat them, and what I say. Had I known I wasn’t going to see or talk to Moussa again the tone, content, and wording of our last conversation would’ve been completely different. I would’ve told him how deep within myself I was considering what he meant to me and to my life. Though I was telling him “no” in a clear, empathic manner, my heart was undecided. In all honesty, I was thinking about him and whether I should remarry him. Yes, I had my concerns about entering into another marriage with him but I was also being stubborn. In my own way I was trying to protect his feelings. I’ve always felt a sense of responsibility to him. I didn’t want him to feel lead on and I didn’t want to give him a false sense of hope. I never told him that I have a soft spot in my heart for him. Though we had our share of disagreements he never mistreated me. We had good times too…

The second lesson I learned is that Allah has a plan. I think about meeting Moussa (he was in D.C. and I as in Florida), moving to the Twin Cities, being married, divorcing, remaining friends, keeping in touch, him coming by for family dinners still, asking each other for forgiveness etc. and how it all fits together. I reflect on our conversations. I think about the decisions we made (good and bad). I think about his decision to put off having kids (when we were married) and then later my reluctance to do so. (Imagine if I we had children or imagine if we had remarried…I’d be a single parent, a widow). Everything happens for reason. I may not understand why or even think that it’s fair but it’s all a part of Allah’s divine decree. I know for fact that he was becoming stronger in his deen. We sat down one afternoon and talked about everything. On another day I met him in park and talked further. Now I feel it was as if we were making peace with one another without really knowing he was preparing for death. Subhanallah.

As I said, I am sure there are more lessons to be learned from this experience. I pray Allah allow me to receive them. Ameen.

As saalam alaikum everyone,

These last few days have been unreal. My ex-husband was recently killed in a car accident while on his way home from Taraweeh. (May Allah grant him the highest place in Jannah. Ameen.) Though he was my ex-husband we were still very good friends. His death has reminded me that none of us are promised tomorrow.

To be honest with you, I carry some guilt which I know is irrational. Just a couple weeks ago we had spoken and he was telling me he thought we should remarry. I told him it wasn’t a good idea. I keep thinking about how lonely he was living in his apartment by himself (he invited me to come over many times but I declined), his desire to have children (he felt he was getting old) and how much he missed our relationship. I feel guilty for being so stubborn…at minimum I could’ve been kinder to him even though I didn’t think getting back together was a good idea.

Here is the article:

A ‘trailblazer,’ crash victim was ‘coming into his own’

By ANTHONY LONETREE, Star Tribune

August 24, 2009

No one knows exactly where he was coming from early Sunday — perhaps a mosque or the food shelf where he volunteered — but Moussa Maayif definitely had his life together when it ended so tragically in St. Paul.

A native of Mauritania in northwestern Africa, Maayif, 39, had recently been promoted at Boston Scientific, his ex-wife said Monday, and was studying for an MBA at the University of St. Thomas.

Still, he yearned for more, Shahidah Siraaj said, recalling their last conversation a few weeks ago, “something even more spiritual.” He wanted to “give back,” she said, and he was doing so by volunteering for a nonprofit group, Building Blocks.

“I think I told him that he was really coming into his own,” Siraaj said.

But at 12:15 a.m. Sunday, at University Avenue and Vandalia Street, Maayif was killed — the victim of a crash so violent that his vehicle went airborne into a utility pole, shearing it at its foundation outside the Dubliner Pub, 2162 University Av.

On Monday, as the driver of the other vehicle, Jacqueline M. Wagner, 20, was charged with criminal vehicular homicide, Siraaj said she wants his story known: “I’d like to put a face to who he is,” she said.

Though they divorced in 2007 after three years of marriage, “we were still very much friends,” she said.

On Sunday, Wagner, of New Brighton, known as Jacqui to her family, was among several hundred people watching street racing in an industrial area near University Avenue and Transfer Road, police said.

According to the complaint filed Monday in Ramsey County District Court, a police officer arrived at the scene about 12:15 a.m., and in an effort to clear the parking lots, activated his emergency lights. Wagner sped off, the complaint said, and the officer followed, shining a spotlight on her Honda Civic as she drove on Ellis Avenue — parallel to University Avenue — at more than 60 miles per hour. At Ellis Avenue and Vandalia Street, about one-third of a mile north of University Avenue, Wagner took a hard left, again at nearly twice the speed limit, and passed other vehicles by driving south in the northbound lanes, the complaint said.

For a moment, after she shifted into the proper lane on Vandalia Street, the officer thought that she might stop. Instead, Wagner allegedly sped up again, ran a red light and then struck Maayif’s vehicle, which was headed east on University Avenue.

Wagner was taken to Regions Hospital in St. Paul for treatment of minor injuries. There, police suspected she might be under the influence of drugs. A blood sample was sent to the state Bureau of Criminal Apprehension for analysis.

Jacqui’s father, Paul Wagner, has described his daughter as a “very good kid” who was devastated by what happened.

She is scheduled to make her first court appearance today.

Siraaj said she was at work when she learned that her mother, whom Maayif had listed as a contact, had been called by the medical examiner’s office. Then, the ex-wife said, she saw the news images of the shattered utility pole, and the mug shot of the suspect.

Now, Siraaj said, she thinks of his family. Maayif, one of 12 children, was “the trailblazer” who came to America on his own, and who continued to support his family financially, Siraaj said. He was a good man, she said, and she wants to make sure “he doesn’t end up like a ‘John Doe.’”

Staff writer Allie Shah contributed to this report. Anthony Lonetree • 612-673-4109

You can watch the local coverage here

Some pics of him here.

Another Ramadan is upon us! It seems like it came in so quick this year. For me, it came so suddenly that I haven’t had time to think about my goals for the month. Insha’allah, I need to get on the ball quick. One thing that I am grateful to Allah (s.w.t.) for is my personal growth and development. I’ve experienced so many epiphanies this year, mashallah. I’ve also had wonderful support.

I hope you all have a successful and inspirational Ramadan. (Ameen). What are your goals?

Subhanallah, today a tornado ripped through my neighborhood. (I was at work while it was happening). I am grateful that no one was hurt and that we still have power. Would you know my mom was home and slept through the entire thing? LOL! She didn’t even know one touched down until she left the house and saw all the downed trees, traffic accidents and road blocks. Right now I’m listening to news helicopters, the whistle of traffic cops and chain saws buzzing. But again, I can’t complain. The tornado missed us by one block. Subhanallah!

Some pics here.

As salaam alaikum everyone, it’s been a long time. I’ve had a bit of writer’s block but I’m back with a vengeance now. I wanted to share some thoughts I had this weekend. It was really an epiphany…

I have been thinking about the Islamic principal of wanting for your brother/sister what you want for yourself. (You could call it self-sacrifice). I am wondering if this concept is really understood by Muslims today. Has it eluded us? Do were merely pay lip service to idea? Is it a lofty ideal?

Lately, because of experiences I’ve been having and my readings about the companions (may Allah bless them), I have been thinking that many of us really don’t want for our brothers/sisters what we want for ourselves. It shows in our actions. It seems like the principal goes out the window if it entails personal discomfort, the sacrifice of something we enjoy/love, or inconvenience on our part. I wonder how we will have a true community, real brotherhood and sisterhood if we aren’t willing to love one another, sacrifice for one another and compromise when necessary.

I am not speaking from a high, authoritative, morally superior position here. I’m calling myself out too. I realize I do not sacrifice my time and effort for the benefit of my brothers and sisters. I have been stingy in that respect. People have called on me to be involved with various projects and I declined because I did not want to sacrifice my time. I had other things I wanted to do. When I think about it I feel ashamed. How can I say I want to build community when I have been unwilling to contribute myself to the very projects that assist in the effort? (May Allah help me!) I realize I have to be more involved.

Sometimes I feel like an idealistic dreamer when I envision Muslims loving, sacrificing and caring for one another. Yes, we will have our share of disagreements, arguments and even fall outs. Can our relationships survive those though? It’s an awful thing to realize, when it comes down to it, a person doesn’t really want for you what they want for themselves.

I’m wearing my colors today in celebration!