You better take care of your man or else…(rant)

After speaking with a few friends I realized there’s this idea floating around that if a wife does not bend over backwards to please her husband then it is understandable in some way if he strays. In the Muslim context, it can be a justification for a brother taking a second wife or even for a brother cheating on his wife. I’m saying to myself, now let me get this straight, I have to cook, clean, provide endless (and mind-blowing) sex to my husband, maintain the children, and at the same time somehow manage to be pious, obedient and sexy? Talk about superwoman….And if I don’t then I have failed in my duty as a wife? Wow! And exactly what does he have to do for me? Should he step up his game in any way? Is he required to do more than go to work, come home and veg out on the sofa? My word… 

It is clear who this idea stands to benefit. What I don’t get is why so many women readily accept it. I mean, it has double-standard written all over it! As Muslims, it is not our example anyway. The Prophet Muhammad, s.a.w., was courteous and helpful to his wives. (And he did not pick up wife after wife out of his own selfishness or nafs). Yeah, I know few brothers can measure up to the Prophetic ideal but at the same time they can use his life as a blueprint for their own. Isn’t that what we’re striving for anyway? Furthermore, adultery (or zina) is considered despicable in Islam. I don’t think I need to share the various Quranic ayahs or Ahadith to substantiate my point.

Something is terribly wrong in the world today. Sometimes I want to live way out in no man’s land and feast on wild berries and an occasional pheasant. Not be bothered with the corruption of the world. Subhanallah. I say all of this after listening to one disappointing story after another from sisters about the fitnah that has become their marriage. My soul is deeply troubled…

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4 responses to “You better take care of your man or else…(rant)

  1. salaam sis,
    omg it is so true!!! i see some sisters fear their husbands more than they fear Allah! and these spoiled brothers as a result don’t even know how to boil water! and they REFUSE to help out in the house. i would like to remind them that the prophet s.a.w. used to help in all aspects of the house in each of his households- you only have to help in one! not to mention as wives we are expected to put up with all kinds of crap from our husbands (after all Allah will reward us). so ridiculous. thanks again for the great post…

    aayah

  2. SubhanAllah,

    Men do no know how to be men. It is as simple as that. I will not list all the reasons for that, i am sure you can conjure up some. Perhaps a better model would be to use the Islamic and Prophetic framework as a starting point and a guideline. Fundamentally men and women are NOT equal. we have Distinct roles. that does not mean that in modern society that we have not been raised or raised ourselves in ways that we actually feel more comfortable in “non-gender-traditional” roles. A practical way to approach this (mind you this is coming from an unmarried man who has not figured it out… fundamentally men need to know what they want, most of the problem of men is that we are not clear, we do not know what we want) back to the practical approach:

    use Islam as a starting point, with a potential spouse review the roles of men and women. Make a list of things that need to get done in a modern household – a comprehensive list – and then look critically again, figure out, honestly, what each person is comfortable doing and does well… then divide up the last bits according to the Islamic principle and your love for each other…

    but, like i said, i don’t know, i am not married, this is all conjecture —- AllahuAlim

  3. salaam alaikum girl,
    i feel ur pain. its part of a larger problem.

    however, i just thought that this blog: http://mossavi.wordpress.com/2008/06/16/fathers-day-midwestern-muslim-dad/
    was interesting to read…

    enjoy.

  4. Do you guys have a recommendation section, i’d like to suggest some stuff

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