The quest to have a more interesting life

catchingTheSun

In case you didn’t know, aside from my spiritual development I have been on a quest to have a more interesting life. I’m tired of the same ole, same ole, stuck-in-rut vibe and want to make the best of my life right now. I want to get out there and do engaging, fun but halal things. So far, I think I’m on the right track. I’ve refused to limit myself or to talk myself out of trying something new. (Hence the Tai Chi class I took.) Now I’m on to something else…kick boxing?

For one, I’ve stuck by my kinda-sorta-New-Year’s-resolutions and I’ve been working out at Snap Fitness. I’ve been reading Quran almost everyday. I’ve taken the trip I’ve wanted to take FOREVER (Rhode Island) and now it’s time to kick into high gear. I’m currently thinking about what other things I can do. One of my friends finally got me (along with my sister) out to the skating rink…and on a weeknight (gasp!) I actually enjoyed myself even though my knee is still aching from when I fell. (Dang, I’m getting old).

So, what’s next? I don’t know. But one thing I’ve decided is to get rid of the b.s. in my life. No more fake people, no more people who drain my energy or waste my time, no more people who aren’t trying to be productive. As cliche as it sounds, life is too short. I’ve become comfortable with who I am and where I’m at in my life right now. If others can’t accept it then that’s their problem.

Since y’all/unna know I keep it real with you, I’m going to- FINALLY- put it out there and say one of the people I had to kick out my life was the man I married. I don’t want to go into a lot of detail but let’s just say after all of background checks, questioning, spending time, trips back and forth, he turned out to be other than what he presented himself to be. (Which goes to show that you can do everything right and still end up with a mess on your hands, ya Allah!) I tried to hang in there with him but it’s difficult to do when there’s no trust, no taking of responsibility and continual lies. So, I had to keep it moving like U-Haul.

But I digress. I’m living life and doing my thing. Where will I end up? Only Allah knows.

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26 responses to “The quest to have a more interesting life

  1. Wow! I’m feeling you on this. Life is really too short and I’m through with spending my life worrying about the b.s.!

    A woman in her thirties doesn’t have time for that fake s–t.

    I am sorry to hear about your divorce but I think it is a courageous act. To not get hung up on “having a man or woman no matter what” is to live life without fear and unnecessary compromise. I was talking to one of my single girlfriend’s about all the miserable married people we know & how they actually hold on to being married in order to save face or flaunt their misery like it is some prize. The truth is that they are only fooling themselves.

    Basically I wish you the best, always. May Allah reward and bless you.

    • “A woman in her thirties doesnโ€™t have time for that fake sโ€“t.”

      Thank you. I realize the older I get the less time I have for it.

      As for the divorce, well it had to happen. I feel relieved and I’m moving on with life. Insha’allah I don’t want to be one of those miserably married folks, afraid to take the necessary steps out of fear of what people might say or comfort. Again, life’s too short.

  2. Salaam Alaikum,

    I’m sorry to hear about your divorce. I don’t blame you. A marriage needs trust and kindness, or it won’t work.

    I’ve always made it very clear to Mr Outlines that I’d rather be alone then unhappy. Life really is too short.

    I think it’s great you’re trying new things. I do find it really inspiring reading about your path – becoming a better Muslim without losing your soul (let’s face it how many people think being a good Muslim means being a soulless robot?).

    May Allah shower you with blessings on your journey.

  3. I didnt know you were married, it is good you feel relieved, a sign of making the right decision. We learn lessons from each experience, take it with you and enjoy life. You look happy in the above picture. Take care.

    • In actuality, I haven’t been married for a little while now, I just didn’t publicly speak about it on my blog. I wasn’t ready to discuss it yet.

      BTW, the pic is not of me but I thought it represented the tone of my post. ๐Ÿ˜‰

  4. ASA,

    I so feel you on this one. As we get older I think we do think abotu what we are doing, have done, and will do with our lives. Most times we will fell we have not done enough or the things we wanted to do or even just feel like we want to change directions.
    I am in the change direction phase myself. I am tired of doing the same things and ending up with the same results. I moved to a new city; heck just being out the Gulf is a change. But I am doing 2 Masters Degree Programs. I am questioning where i am in my faith and trying to make positive changes. I also change my man view. Yes, I think it can be wonderful to haev one in your life BUT not having one can be just as wonderful. I am so into me right now. Working out 5x a week, my studies, My faith, my kids, my personal happiness; I dont miss men much.

    As for those background check and alll the things you did right; They don’t work. people lie for each other and The sad thing is in ISlam we still have the good ole boys club and they lie and decieve women without a second thought and then when they get caught have the backing of the Imams and other men and we get told to have patience and just excuse the mans behaviour. I know from experience that the ONLY thing that works is TIME. You will never know a person until you spend time with them or even live with them. I am NOT saying to live with a person ur not married to. I am saying those days of having a sit down and just getting married are over. If you are an Adult you are alread a complex person with views, values, a way of life, whims, quirks, whatever. Your personality is a set more than those of say a 17 year old. They have room for change and they can grow WITH the person. Over 30 you have grown and have done alot already, Have an education, if your a revert, maybe even dated, lived on your own ect. You want more and expect more than a young teenager or early 20 year old.
    WE have to find ways to spend time with the person we want to marry In a Halal ways and that REAL Honest background checks. That is the only way we might start comming out with better outcomes. Too many Muslim Marriages just dont work out for the same crazy reason. LIES………
    I am happy you got out of an unhappy situation. I am sure it si a loss but you are on the right road to filling in the void with good positive things.

    • WS, I think you’re right about the good ole boys network, the imams covering for the bros and sisters being expected to be patient and accept whatever comes our way. Fortunately for me, I didn’t have to deal with any of that. I’m a grown woman and I didn’t need the approval or consent of an imam to make the decisions I had to make.

      I don’t know what the solution is for American Muslims. I DO know that the old way of talking to each other for a few months and just getting married doesn’t work for most of us. At the same time, I’m someone who spent almost a year getting to know this brother, spent time with him, had premarital counseling etc. and still found myself like, WTH?

      The point I wanted to make is you can do everything right and still not know. I’m starting to think it’s the luck of the draw…sometimes you win and sometimes you lose.

  5. As-Salaamu ‘alaikum,

    Sorry to hear about your marriage experience. A few years ago I briefly married a woman from Trinidad, and found out a few weeks later that she had another marriage on the books there! Not a religious one, but it would have made the plans I had impossible (i.e. marrying her in a civil ceremony, for my family who knew nothing about it) impossible. She also had two more kids (both non-Muslims) than she had told me about. The Jane Eyre / Mr Rochester story in reverse (albeit a different island). Glad you could get rid of him.

  6. Can’t remember if I’ve posted on here before. I suppose I’m somewhat of a lurker ๐Ÿ™‚

    Anyways, thanks for this post! I’m akin to an emotional sponge (still working on this), so negative people REALLY wreak havoc upon my life. If I’m gonna be soaking up stuff, I want it to be all good. It’s time for me to bow out of some people’s lives and tell others to politely kick rocks and pound sand.

    @ Samira: “A woman in her thirties doesnโ€™t have time for that fake sโ€“t.” I’m only in my 20s, but I definitely don’t have time for it either. LOL! May I add, no woman about the business of positive and productive living has time for that fake s-t. ๐Ÿ™‚

  7. What Safiya said is true – it is better to be alone and unappy. Unfortunately in our communitites – marriage at any cost tends to trump personal happiness and you know…any of us mature sisters (not 17 who can be ‘molded’ to our husband’s every preference) gotta take what we get because you know….we are old. I am sorry you had to go through a unhappy marriage. I know if I were to be single again, I would not remarry because the risk outweighs the gains. Isn’t that terrible – absolutely no trust I could get help fnding a decent man. Live your life without guilt or pressure from “us”. Seriously

    • Zahra, I’m not saying I won’t marry again. (I’m kinda just chillin’ for now). Sometimes I do feel like the risk outweighs the gain (especially after dealing with a deceptive brother, double life kinda bro) but I asked myself, can I realistically remain single for the rest of my life? I don’t think so. Every way that I’ve looked at it leads me back to the same conclusion: I will eventually have to give it another try. ๐Ÿ˜

  8. As-Salaamu ‘alaikum,

    @Boss Lady: she married someone else shortly after me, and the next time I met her, about a year later outside the same Muslim bookshop in Walthamstow that was instrumental in fixing us up, she had popped out another kid (a daughter). I think she’d split from her daddy by then. I’m glad I wasn’t another of this woman’s baby daddies.

  9. Assalamu alaikum Sis,

    I love the new name ‘Boss Lady’ , nice ๐Ÿ™‚
    I’m glad that you got out of that situation Sis, *hugz*
    May Allah make it easy for you to live your life to the fullest, enjoying all the halal fun things out there and may He grant you the best of this life and the hearafter, Ameen!

  10. yep and better to actually be alone then to be w/ a man who makes you feel like you are alone even tho he’s right there with you. skating sounds like fun. can’t wait to hear what you are gonna be up to next.

  11. sistafromanotherplanet

    I am so happy for you!!!! Everyone deserves to be happy. I admire that you are taking the steps to make your OWN happiness and not sitting around waiting for someone else to make it for you!!!
    I also applaud you for telling that brotha to kick rocks!!
    Life IS too short and we are TOO grown for the okey doke!!

    peace and blessings…

  12. Sister, I’m sorry to hear about your loss of your husband, but I’m glad to hear that the purging was a good one. May God keep you strong!

  13. Much respect for moving on and not making 1,000,001 excuses for him.

  14. Boss lady!

    I’ve been away from your blog for a minute, but I missed it so here I am once again. I hear ya on having an interesting life. I was caught up in the, “I have to wait until I get married to fully experience life,” then I realized that, that is not my personality. I am a loner by nature and actually enjoy spending time with myself. I took a trip similar to yours, only I went to Canada. I had money laying around, I had a passport, I said what the heck and booked a trip. I even made a 1/2 hour film about it.

    I’m all about me, I asked Allah to send me a brother, I trust that he heard my dua, now I’m doing me in the meantime. I’m going back to school, I’m buying a new car, I’m traveling to New York and I’m taking my black self back to Canada THIS YEAR! Oh, and I’m losing these last 10 pounds so that I can fit into that size 11/12, I’ve been coveting for the last 20 years.

    Speaking of cars. I read somewhere on your blog that you have a Toyota Matrix, my dream car. Insha’Allah I’m getting mine in December, cash, cause a sistah doesn’t do car payments. How do they drive? Is there a lot of leg room? I know you’re short and I am a giant next to you (5’10). Do you have the radio controls in the steering wheel? I emailed Toyota, but of course they were plugging the 2009, which I don’t want because it looks weird.

    • ASA Sakeenah, I hear you on the solo vacation Sakeenah. I’m thinking about where to go next. You went to Toronto, right? I LOVE that place and think I will be going back again soon, insha’allah.

      Yeah, I have a ’07 Matrix. It drives smooth and the little car picks up speed fast. Sometimes I look down and I’m doing 80 without much effort. The gas mileage is incredible. ๐Ÿ™‚ I think there is enough leg room but then again, I’m all of 5’1″. I’ve had Val in my car and she’s pretty tall. She didn’t seem uncomfortable. No radio steering controls (though they might have it on the newer models). The only regret I have is (1) Not getting the navy blue one and (2) not getting a sunroof. Such is life…

  15. You didn’t get the navy blue one because IT’S MINE MINE MINE ALLLLL MINE! LOL!

  16. Great blog you got here…keep up the good work.

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