Monthly Archives: August 2009

Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji’un

As saalam alaikum everyone,

These last few days have been unreal. My ex-husband was recently killed in a car accident while on his way home from Taraweeh. (May Allah grant him the highest place in Jannah. Ameen.) Though he was my ex-husband we were still very good friends. His death has reminded me that none of us are promised tomorrow.

To be honest with you, I carry some guilt which I know is irrational. Just a couple weeks ago we had spoken and he was telling me he thought we should remarry. I told him it wasn’t a good idea. I keep thinking about how lonely he was living in his apartment by himself (he invited me to come over many times but I declined), his desire to have children (he felt he was getting old) and how much he missed our relationship. I feel guilty for being so stubborn…at minimum I could’ve been kinder to him even though I didn’t think getting back together was a good idea.

Here is the article:

A ‘trailblazer,’ crash victim was ‘coming into his own’


August 24, 2009

No one knows exactly where he was coming from early Sunday — perhaps a mosque or the food shelf where he volunteered — but Moussa Maayif definitely had his life together when it ended so tragically in St. Paul.

A native of Mauritania in northwestern Africa, Maayif, 39, had recently been promoted at Boston Scientific, his ex-wife said Monday, and was studying for an MBA at the University of St. Thomas.

Still, he yearned for more, Shahidah Siraaj said, recalling their last conversation a few weeks ago, “something even more spiritual.” He wanted to “give back,” she said, and he was doing so by volunteering for a nonprofit group, Building Blocks.

“I think I told him that he was really coming into his own,” Siraaj said.

But at 12:15 a.m. Sunday, at University Avenue and Vandalia Street, Maayif was killed — the victim of a crash so violent that his vehicle went airborne into a utility pole, shearing it at its foundation outside the Dubliner Pub, 2162 University Av.

On Monday, as the driver of the other vehicle, Jacqueline M. Wagner, 20, was charged with criminal vehicular homicide, Siraaj said she wants his story known: “I’d like to put a face to who he is,” she said.

Though they divorced in 2007 after three years of marriage, “we were still very much friends,” she said.

On Sunday, Wagner, of New Brighton, known as Jacqui to her family, was among several hundred people watching street racing in an industrial area near University Avenue and Transfer Road, police said.

According to the complaint filed Monday in Ramsey County District Court, a police officer arrived at the scene about 12:15 a.m., and in an effort to clear the parking lots, activated his emergency lights. Wagner sped off, the complaint said, and the officer followed, shining a spotlight on her Honda Civic as she drove on Ellis Avenue — parallel to University Avenue — at more than 60 miles per hour. At Ellis Avenue and Vandalia Street, about one-third of a mile north of University Avenue, Wagner took a hard left, again at nearly twice the speed limit, and passed other vehicles by driving south in the northbound lanes, the complaint said.

For a moment, after she shifted into the proper lane on Vandalia Street, the officer thought that she might stop. Instead, Wagner allegedly sped up again, ran a red light and then struck Maayif’s vehicle, which was headed east on University Avenue.

Wagner was taken to Regions Hospital in St. Paul for treatment of minor injuries. There, police suspected she might be under the influence of drugs. A blood sample was sent to the state Bureau of Criminal Apprehension for analysis.

Jacqui’s father, Paul Wagner, has described his daughter as a “very good kid” who was devastated by what happened.

She is scheduled to make her first court appearance today.

Siraaj said she was at work when she learned that her mother, whom Maayif had listed as a contact, had been called by the medical examiner’s office. Then, the ex-wife said, she saw the news images of the shattered utility pole, and the mug shot of the suspect.

Now, Siraaj said, she thinks of his family. Maayif, one of 12 children, was “the trailblazer” who came to America on his own, and who continued to support his family financially, Siraaj said. He was a good man, she said, and she wants to make sure “he doesn’t end up like a ‘John Doe.'”

Staff writer Allie Shah contributed to this report. Anthony Lonetree • 612-673-4109

You can watch the local coverage here

Some pics of him here.

Ramadan Mubarak

Another Ramadan is upon us! It seems like it came in so quick this year. For me, it came so suddenly that I haven’t had time to think about my goals for the month. Insha’allah, I need to get on the ball quick. One thing that I am grateful to Allah (s.w.t.) for is my personal growth and development. I’ve experienced so many epiphanies this year, mashallah. I’ve also had wonderful support.

I hope you all have a successful and inspirational Ramadan. (Ameen). What are your goals?


Subhanallah, today a tornado ripped through my neighborhood. (I was at work while it was happening). I am grateful that no one was hurt and that we still have power. Would you know my mom was home and slept through the entire thing? LOL! She didn’t even know one touched down until she left the house and saw all the downed trees, traffic accidents and road blocks. Right now I’m listening to news helicopters, the whistle of traffic cops and chain saws buzzing. But again, I can’t complain. The tornado missed us by one block. Subhanallah!

Some pics here.

Lofty ideal?

As salaam alaikum everyone, it’s been a long time. I’ve had a bit of writer’s block but I’m back with a vengeance now. 🙂 I wanted to share some thoughts I had this weekend. It was really an epiphany…

I have been thinking about the Islamic principal of wanting for your brother/sister what you want for yourself. (You could call it self-sacrifice). I am wondering if this concept is really understood by Muslims today. Has it eluded us? Do were merely pay lip service to idea? Is it a lofty ideal?

Lately, because of experiences I’ve been having and my readings about the companions (may Allah bless them), I have been thinking that many of us really don’t want for our brothers/sisters what we want for ourselves. It shows in our actions. It seems like the principal goes out the window if it entails personal discomfort, the sacrifice of something we enjoy/love, or inconvenience on our part. I wonder how we will have a true community, real brotherhood and sisterhood if we aren’t willing to love one another, sacrifice for one another and compromise when necessary.

I am not speaking from a high, authoritative, morally superior position here. I’m calling myself out too. I realize I do not sacrifice my time and effort for the benefit of my brothers and sisters. I have been stingy in that respect. People have called on me to be involved with various projects and I declined because I did not want to sacrifice my time. I had other things I wanted to do. When I think about it I feel ashamed. How can I say I want to build community when I have been unwilling to contribute myself to the very projects that assist in the effort? (May Allah help me!) I realize I have to be more involved.

Sometimes I feel like an idealistic dreamer when I envision Muslims loving, sacrificing and caring for one another. Yes, we will have our share of disagreements, arguments and even fall outs. Can our relationships survive those though? It’s an awful thing to realize, when it comes down to it, a person doesn’t really want for you what they want for themselves.

Happy 47th Independence Day Jamaica!

I’m wearing my colors today in celebration!