Sad, Happy

Last month I attended the sentencing for the girl who killed my ex-husband. In my opinion she didn’t get very much time- 4 years and 8 months (on Criminal Vehicular Homicide). Once she serves 1/3 of her sentence she will be eligible for supervised release (parole.) Even if she received a life sentence it wouldn’t change the reality- Moussa is dead, his family is grieving and this woman was negligent. When it was her time to say something she shrugged her shoulders and said “I’m sorry, that’s all.” I couldn’t believe it! You killed someone while driving recklessly and that’s all you have to say?

Secondly, I was very disappointed because I was the only one there for Moussa while she had tons of family in the courtroom. I wondered where were all of the people who took over during the janazah, treating me like I was an intruder. I told them about the hearing. Yet, when it came down to it only myself, the victim’s advocate and the attorney for the civil case were present. Alhamdulillah, I was able to read a victim impact statement to the judge on behalf of his family in Mauritania. The civil attorney warned me that the sentencing hearing often feels like a second funeral. It really did for me. After I read the victim impact statement, I went back to my seat and out of nowhere I started sobbing uncontrollably. I don’t even know where it came from. I thought I was finished grieving. Even after I left the courtroom I felt like I was going to collapse.

So why is this post called Sad, Happy? I’m sad when I think about Moussa no longer being alive. I know this was Allah’s plan and I can fully accept that. I have no argument. At the same time the shock of it combined with the finality is what gets me. Though we didn’t make it as a couple, Moussa was still a good friend of mine and a great guy overall. The happy part is that I have remarried and I am completely satisfied with my choice this time. Mashallah, after all of the tribulation Allah has blessed me with Mr. Right For Me. (Kinda like Allah designed a husband for me).

So here I am, Sad-Happy. Life is funny that way, isn’t it?

Local coverage: here

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11 responses to “Sad, Happy

  1. Looking @ her face & reading her version of remorse just makes me angry. Then to hear that she has past speeding tickets makes me sick. I wonder if she will ever understand the gravity of taking someones life in such a careless way.

    Like I said before-it shows the strength of your character that you had the strength & courage to speak for Moussa & his family.

    I really think many Muslims have a hard time dealing with grieving-they think that once the janaza is over people should/must move on. I have discussed this extensively with my mother- we saw a tremendous outpouring of support from non-Muslims after the death of my grandmother-but as far as the Muslims they acted like it never happened. I think that some refrain from giving support because they believe that as Muslims showing emotion or indulging in feelings of grief/sadness is an act of ingratitude. The more stoic means the more pious or something. Allah knows best.

    I just know that it is painful to not be supported by those who say they share your faith & say that they are your brother or sister.

    I am glad that you have found new happiness with your husband : )

    • Her lawyers tried to say she has some psychological problems that have prevented her from showing remorse. Yet, they never presented any evidence to show it. I think they were trying to get Moussa’s family to have sympathy for her and ask for a lesser sentence. *rolling eyes* I agree that Muslims have the attitude that we should “just get over it” otherwise they think we’re not accepting Allah’s Qadr. I think there’s a difference between greiving and questioning why G-d did something.

  2. I’m so heart-broken right now, I was not told about the date of the trial. I had so wanted to go. I’m sorry that I wasn’t there.

    I’m really, really heart-broken.

    • Molly, I am so sorry to hear that. I posted it on TwinCities Muslims or MN Muslims and I also sent it to Building Blocks so they could send it out on their listserve. The case never went to trial because she was offered a plea deal and she accepted it. It happened quicker than anyone expected because she orginally wanted to take the case to trial then changed her mind.

      I pray that Allah grants you, his friends, his family and even myself some ease. Ameen.

  3. assalamu alaikum

    sheikh uthaimeen explained in his explanation of the three fundamental principles that one should have patience with the decrees of Allah and what this means is that one should restrict himself to the obedience of Allah, restrain himself from the disobedience of Allah and be patient with the decrees of Allah without getting mad or being discontent with what he decrees.

    and he also went on to explain that this is the hardest thing to do which is to be patient and restrain oneself from being angry or discontent with the decrees of Allah and the example that he mentioned was the same example that you post is about. which is when you are mourning the death of a loved one, or some one whom you hold dear. he said that is is harder than being obedient to Allah because it is easy to do a hundred rakats but yet to console the soul when it has lost someone it held dear to it is harder because of inclination towards that person but Allah himself also mentioned that the reward for those whom are patient in the times of difficulty is jannah.

    so be patient with what Allah decreed and just say al hamdulillah. you never know it might be that Allah will make that person muslim and forgive her for what she did or you never know Allah might be setting her up for punishment and it might start in prison. believe you me regardless of popular opinion womens prison is worse than mens and a lot more violence happens there then you would think.

    but rest a sure and regardless if she is to be punished in this life or the hereafter know that if Allah doesn’t guide her then she will be held accountable for kill a muslim and will be punished in the hereafter.

    so all i can say is say al hamdulillah and encourage his family, especially if he had children to make dua for the brother and hope that he is among the people of jannah.

    and as far as the people not showing up then as i read in another post that you are in chicago and if this is true then i myself am from and live in chicago and this is the nature of the city it’s nothing personal but just how chicago muslims are.

    wallahu a’lam

    walillah al hamd

    • As-Salaamu ‘alaikum,

      you never know it might be that Allah will make that person muslim and forgive her for what she did or you never know Allah might be setting her up for punishment and it might start in prison. believe you me regardless of popular opinion womens prison is worse than mens and a lot more violence happens there then you would think.

      What do you think might happen to her that might be any consolation? It is really unseemly to wish that someone might suffer abuse or victimisation of any sort from people who are doing it for fun or have no rights over that person, particularly if the abuse is of a sexual nature. This is some riff-raff who caused a fatal car accident, not someone who raped several children. Sorry Shahidah, but I don’t believe it’s acceptable to openly wish for someone to suffer in the way he is suggesting.

      • what do you mean brother maybe you don’t know how to read with comprehension

        the whole point of the statement was to be patient because you don’t know if allah will punish this person in this life which ever way he chooses and in the next or whether he may guide this person.

        i think you should go back to school and re take english with comprehension.

        you just picked a portion of my statement and tried to shred it without even taking the first half into consideration.

        next time the best thing would be to do is comprehend someone else’s statement before you try to criticize it it could be that you are doing nothing more than showing how ignorant you are.

  4. When trial and tribulations come upon us we know this is happening by the decree of Allah.Surah 2 156-157 Who,when afflicted with a calamity,say ‘Truly.to Allah we belong and truly.to him we shall return.They are those on whom are Salawaat[who are blessed and will be forgiven]from there Lord,and [they are those who]receive His mercy.and it is they who are guided ones.This was Qadr of Allah when our brother Musa died may Allah grant him paradise.Imam Ahmad was once asked about qadr and he said it is power of Allah.I agree it would had been a good thing if the muslim community would had showed up in solditary and as one group.But as we all know we are clanish as can be.If one is not from my tribe or ethnic group.We asked Allah to help us as ummah with the debilitating problem of triballism in the ummah.May Allah bless you for your efforts and caring heart.Allah rewards us greatly for the good that we do.Side note Divine Will and Predestination by Umar S.Al -Ashqar is agreat book on this topic along with Muhmmad Jiballys book on Qadr.May Allah bless you and your new great husband in your marriage.

  5. … May Allah rest his soul in peace. Justice these days has been unconsciously redefined… :((

  6. I sure did miss a lot, sis. I had no idea you had gone through such an ordeal. I have no problem with accepting what Allah decrees, however I won’t accept such a dismissive attitude from the ummah.

    Just because this death didn’t occur on the Gaza strip does not make it less devastating. Yeah, I said it.

    Within Islam, there are rules regarding murderers. They are not merely sentenced to a few years without any consideration of the family’s loss. Some commenters seem to be asking you to forget everything when that is NOT our tradition. Yes, we must accept Allah’s qadr, yet we are not wrong in pursuing punishment for the offender as long as we are clearly within the limits of Islam. In this case, it would have been nice to confirm the young woman’s mental state. That would have given a little more closure.

    Why call ourselves an Ummah if we are not going to support each other? Why let others out show us? Allah knows best.

  7. Masha Allah you did a wonderful job. You were not alone in the court. There were angels that Allah (swt) had sent to console you. Those tears that came to your eyes, they’d become one day the reason of your Maghfirat, Insha Allah.

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