Monthly Archives: November 2010

Why I DON’T want to be the most beautiful woman in the room

Image courtesy of Google

Yesterday I had a female client who was waiting for me to come get her from the lobby. She was sitting there with approximately six male clients. As I was preparing her paperwork I could hear laughter and snatches of conversation coming from the group. I could immediately tell that my female client was the center of attention and that she was relishing in the attention she was receiving from the men. The more attention they directed her way, the more delighted she seemed. When I finally called her back, she was lit up like a 100 watt bulb. It was clear that she was anxious to get back to the lobby so that she could resume her position in the limelight.

I witness the aforementioned scenario on a daily basis- several times a day. The female client (or object of attention) doesn’t seem to know or care that the attention being directed her way is temporary and illusory. She happens to be the most attractive woman (or the only woman) in a room full of men- which basically means the men don’t necessarily have a genuine interest in her. (Nor do they think she is the most beautiful sight their eyes have ever beheld). She is the most viable, attractive option at the moment. The same woman will feel slighted when she realizes that her [precarious] position has been usurped once a more attractive woman enters the room. My husband and I call it “situational attraction.”

You may ask why I am writing this. Beyond my knack for writing about the unspoken aspects of human thought and interaction, I felt it was important for other women to be aware of situational attraction. I am afraid women are misreading the attention they receive when situational attraction occurs. Worse yet, we may remain blissfully unaware of it, continuing to live in a fantasy world. We’re thinking we’re that woman in a music video, love song or movie that captures the attention of all the men (or a particular man.) We may not realize that picking up women is a hobby for some men and that we just so happened to be in the right place and at the right time…until the girl in the skin tight jeans walks in and steals the show.

To be fair, women have our own brand of situational attraction. Ours doesn’t necessarily revolve around physical appearance though. We may find ourselves attracted to aspects of a man’s personality- his wit, charm, intelligence or humor- but that doesn’t mean we want to marry him or that we’re even interested in getting to know him. He just so happens to be the cool, funny, intelligent or nice guy at the moment and in a particular situation. I can only pray that you do not marry this guy and find yourself resenting him because he is not man you dreamed of spending the rest of your life with.

But I digress. If there is one piece of advice I could give in relation to situational attraction it’s to know the context. Is a man’s attention temporary or permanent? Better yet, is your interest in a man motivated by situational attraction? Knowing the difference between the two can save women plenty of heartache and many sleepless nights.