Why I DON’T want to be the most beautiful woman in the room

Image courtesy of Google

Yesterday I had a female client who was waiting for me to come get her from the lobby. She was sitting there with approximately six male clients. As I was preparing her paperwork I could hear laughter and snatches of conversation coming from the group. I could immediately tell that my female client was the center of attention and that she was relishing in the attention she was receiving from the men. The more attention they directed her way, the more delighted she seemed. When I finally called her back, she was lit up like a 100 watt bulb. It was clear that she was anxious to get back to the lobby so that she could resume her position in the limelight.

I witness the aforementioned scenario on a daily basis- several times a day. The female client (or object of attention) doesn’t seem to know or care that the attention being directed her way is temporary and illusory. She happens to be the most attractive woman (or the only woman) in a room full of men- which basically means the men don’t necessarily have a genuine interest in her. (Nor do they think she is the most beautiful sight their eyes have ever beheld). She is the most viable, attractive option at the moment. The same woman will feel slighted when she realizes that her [precarious] position has been usurped once a more attractive woman enters the room. My husband and I call it “situational attraction.”

You may ask why I am writing this. Beyond my knack for writing about the unspoken aspects of human thought and interaction, I felt it was important for other women to be aware of situational attraction. I am afraid women are misreading the attention they receive when situational attraction occurs. Worse yet, we may remain blissfully unaware of it, continuing to live in a fantasy world. We’re thinking we’re that woman in a music video, love song or movie that captures the attention of all the men (or a particular man.) We may not realize that picking up women is a hobby for some men and that we just so happened to be in the right place and at the right time…until the girl in the skin tight jeans walks in and steals the show.

To be fair, women have our own brand of situational attraction. Ours doesn’t necessarily revolve around physical appearance though. We may find ourselves attracted to aspects of a man’s personality- his wit, charm, intelligence or humor- but that doesn’t mean we want to marry him or that we’re even interested in getting to know him. He just so happens to be the cool, funny, intelligent or nice guy at the moment and in a particular situation. I can only pray that you do not marry this guy and find yourself resenting him because he is not man you dreamed of spending the rest of your life with.

But I digress. If there is one piece of advice I could give in relation to situational attraction it’s to know the context. Is a man’s attention temporary or permanent? Better yet, is your interest in a man motivated by situational attraction? Knowing the difference between the two can save women plenty of heartache and many sleepless nights.

5 responses to “Why I DON’T want to be the most beautiful woman in the room

  1. I do this. Actually I do this quite often. I don’t do it to be the object of affection for men. I grew up with a brother and 2 uncles and was socialized around men. I just feel more at ease when I’m around men rather than when I am around women. I find women catty and often petty. I also have comedic need to entertain. that I do to everybody.

    Since I am in a committed relationship, I don’t have the need to sexually draw or emotionally attach myself to any man. It’s just easier to interact with them.

    I felt the need to respond to this because I am a firm believer that men and women can share a platonic bond. There is this synchronistic vibe going on right now thta it can not and should not be attempted. I wish to counter that. Not every man and woman can do this, but it can be done.

  2. I remember being in this position. Only to realize that my self-esteem was very low. It was sometimes easier to critique others (who appeared to perform this same act) instead of turning the mirror on my ownself. Well, it does take growth and development to learn yourself, triggers,and values.

  3. I grow up with 3 little brothers, and yes I feel comfortable hanging out with men than woman. That was before hijab.
    I went rock climbing, hiking, camping, and even joined a rock band.
    I talked like a man, i walked like a man, i dressed like a man.
    And i dont think the boys considered me a girl either.
    So, yes, I dont hang out with boys anymore since I am now alhumdulillah very feminine.
    But even before, I truly think that I was around boys bcoz I wanted to gain their sexual attention.

    nice post though,

  4. Assalam alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakathu..

    Okay, so this is wayyyyy off topic. Where are you and why are you not writing anything?? InshaAllah everything is going well with you and your family. I really miss reading your blog so do me and everyone else a fav.- Get typing!!!

  5. Salam sister. very nice blog and interesting subject. Platonic or not, I believe that the only Being who knows our real intentions, is not even ourselves, but Allah (swt). A woman who is more comfortable around men than women, is obviously far far away from her womanhood. I know there’s definitely some “moderate” line between two extremes, but still, I have this 100% belief that just like two different people, men and women dont’ necessarily look at the same thing in the same way. Every situation is subjective, so is the outcome. And Allah (swt) knows better. I invite you to visit my website Qurango.com and would love to hear your suggestions from a Muslima’s point of view. Jazak Allah. Amir Ali Tayyab, Orlando, FL

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