6 Relationship Myths Women Have

1. I have the “Magic V”. What is the “magic V”, you ask? It is the magic vagina. Many women think all they have to contribute to the relationship is their body- more specifically their vagina. They think once they “whip it on” a man he will fall helplessly in love with them and they won’t have to do much more than that. I hate to break it you ladies, you have to bring more than your body to a relationship. (Aside from that, sex is a plummeting stock and the market is over-saturated with it.) The “magic V” will only hold his interest for so long. Eventually some other woman will come along with an even more “magical V” than yours. As my husband said, “The magic V only works for a prostitute trying to get customers.”

2. Mr. Right will sweep me off my feet. We all have had the dream. One day we’ll be walking along and bump into Mr. Right. He will be handsome, financially stable (maybe even rich), intelligent, sexually satisfying, and an all around good guy. It doesn’t matter where we are in our lives. We could be on government assistance, have children by multiple fathers, doing nothing to develop or improve ourselves (intellectually, spiritually or mentally) but feel that this guy should come along and sweep us off of our feet like a Disney prince. This dazzling guy is supposed to choose us over all the other women- including those who are developing, saving, nurturing and ‘growing’ themselves.

3. A “real man” will put up with me. According to some women, a man will accept her bad attitude, dysfunctional, destructive behavior or immaturity because he thinks she is so great. Newsflash! A real man, a mature man will see you comin’ and take off runnin’ (in the words of Erykah Badu). Why would a man want to put up with your drama? Most men want peace and quiet in their home. They don’t want to deal with a woman they have to parent and they CERTAINLY don’t want to manage your drama.

4. Having a baby will save the relationship. *sigh* Really, ladies? I know very few women would admit that they believe this but we all have a girlfriend or relative who did just that- she had a baby thinking it would prevent the man from leaving her. (At minimum he would stay connected to her via the children). The reality is if he doesn’t want to be with you he is not going to be with you. Not only have you created an unhealthy situation for your child but you have unnecessarily added the burden of single parenthood to your plate.

5. The wedding day is all about me. Unfortunately, the wedding day has become about adult women living out a childhood princess fantasy. Since many of us were little girls we have dreamed of the day when we would be the center of a huge, expensive wedding (complete with the princess-like wedding gown.) We no longer view weddings as the joining of two families, as a cornerstone of community building or the celebration of this new relationship. It’s about me, me, me and the fantasy I wish to turn into reality.

6. A man should be faithful to me…no matter what. I know this is a controversial one but hear me out. You can’t mistreat a man, neglect him, and fail to maintain your relationship (yes, that includes sex!) and expect him not to desire something more. You are sending your man out into the world starving for attention, companionship, tenderness, and with the desire to be treated like a man. Eventually, he will meet a woman who can do all things for him and more. She may be his co-worker or a friend of a friend. I hate to break it to you ladies but it’s only a matter of time before he finds himself drawn to her; looking forward to speaking with her in the cafeteria or in the elevator. Meanwhile, he comes home to you and there is nothing. There is nothing stimulating, engaging or empowering about his interaction with you.

No, this is not a pass for men to cheat but let’s not ignore reality or the needs that a human being- in this case a man- has.

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7 responses to “6 Relationship Myths Women Have

  1. Salaam alaikum,
    These are great! I was cracking up about the magic V. It is so true. A lot of women are out of touch. I think that many men have relationship myths that contribute to bad relationships. Some are so dumbfounded to find that their wives or partners are completely dissatisfied them. Many think they have the magic D that shows up for like 5 minutes maybe twice a month, that home life is about them (a place to relax and never contribute to), that a real woman will put up with their childishness, selfishness, and bullyish behavior, and that children will keep a neglected sister from bouncing.

  2. Walaikum salaam Margari. My husband is suppose to write the one for men. I didn’t know if I could highlight the major ones. I know of two. If I could think of four more…

  3. I don’t know what to say about this post. I agree with some things you’ve said, but there are a lot I don’t agree with. Rather, I’d prefer to comment on whats really going on in the Muslim community. Why are so many girls not getting married? I know too many who are in their late 20s and early 30s and have yet to find their mate. Whats going on?!? I’m in my early 30s and I certainly have NO Myths about what marriage is like~ I have 4 married siblings, 2 of which have been married for nearly 2 decades. I’ve seen the bad-the good-and the down right nasty in their marrages. I was 12 when three of my siblings were married and that has affected me more than I ever wanted it to. I find that its not the fact that there arent any men, its mostly that the men themselves are either too “relgious/too cultural” or “non-religious and tries to assimilate too much w/non-Muslims”. Wheres the middle of the two?? I dont think it exists!

    My difficulties in finding a husband (a Muslim man) is this: (1) too many men want a girl who isnt covered (2) the ones who do want her covered are waaay too “fob-y” and so called “religious” and thus want to “control me and what i do”. (3) the ones who are interested in me are either Shiaa or Sufi (i’m Shafi3i Sunni, and yes theres a difference b/w my type and the Pakistani or North African or Saudi types). (4) too westernized/Americanized in his actions (drinks alcohol, goes to clubs, etc.). (5) wants a perfect girl, one who is gorgeous and well-educated (i’m educated and beautiful, guess theres a difference). Lastly, (6) there are no places to get to know any quality men. Most girls I know got married through “word of mouth” or they got maried to their cousin or found their husband while they were in college. I was working and going to college and taking care of my sick father so I had zero time to meet any potential men. Like my mom always says, these things are in Allah’s hands.. all we can do is pray and try our hardest to be better people.

    • Holiday09,
      I agree with your comments! As an engineer, I do come into contact with single professional Muslim men at work, though they sometimes have terrible social skills or language/cultural barriers. In my city, they do have some social clubs for Muslims (“Green Muslims”) and community service projects, perhaps checking facebook or meetup might reveal something. Graduate/professional school is a good place to meet people…perhaps an educational/work experience in a Muslim country. Also, letting more people know might help…and finding a good wali (or two perhaps – perhaps in different cities). There is also the online option…there are some Muslim marriage-oriented websites (as popularized in the film, The New Muslim Cool). I am also not married but these are on my emergency list for later…

  4. Assalaamu aliakum
    I enjoyed reading your stuff – nice writing sister !
    And Holiday09 is right. We have a severe case of bi-polar disorder. Islam is the middle way but Muslims have no middle.

  5. “2. Mr. Right will sweep me off my feet.” LOL this is so my way of thinking! 😦 😛 very funny to read ur post!! Keep it up!! 🙂

    Cheers/Aesha

  6. Honestly sister, I must say, although I agree with your list to a certain extent, I do get kind of annoyed with responses like these. I know that all those things exist in some women, and they lead to unhealthy marriages, but let’s be real here. Over 90% of domestic violence cases in the Muslim community happen to women (less than 1 % of them are “false”).

    The victims of patriarchal, mysoginistic interpretations of Faith are NOT doing or believe in things on your list. You’re talking about the less than 10% of women who abuse/take advantage of their husbands. I don’t understand how women become women’s worst enemies, by focusing on the 10% rather than the majority of cases. Real talk: women are very often manipulated and coerced into unfair lifestyles. Similarly, let’s be real about who is always allowed to be the “baby” or the “mama’s boy” in the relationship. Men can be unclean, lazy, not proactive, inconsiderate, unsocial … even promiscuous etc. and all those things are “just what men are like”. Women cannot “threaten” to leave them or fall for another man as easily as you mention that men can.

    Let’s not diverge from the main purpose of the post. Women are not in a place of privilege. Whenever they have the habits you listed (and yes, they ARE bad bad habits) those women often stick out like a sore thumb. Let’s not try to shift the conversation back to “blame the girl,” especially as women. I’ve noticed how we (as females) are quick to pick on our fellow female’s flaws over male’s.

    This is often a deeply subconscious bias that we have to fight against. If we can prevent mysoginistic men from misusing these kinds of posts by not posting such replies, we should! I would kindly like you to consider that most of your list doesn’t counter anything the original post stated, so it just sidetracks the discussion back to “oh yeah the women are the problem, see”. I know that’s NOT what you are trying to say, but we have to learn our lesson about how easily SOME men manipulate our words. We should try to promote the unfair disadvantages we have, and try to speak wisely. We only need to bring up these issues if they really are the top or most pressing problems (I would argue that they are not!)

    It’s like responding to a post about children under 10 being in a vulnerable or less privileged position by pointing out how some kids are bratty and have attitude problems. Instead of realizing that the kids (being whatever they are) still DON’T deserve to be ignored, neglected, or taken advantage of, our twisted psychologies often create reasoning and acceptance of the privileged abusing their positions of power. It sidetracks the focus of the author (to highlight adults’ lack of awareness of their privilege over little kids)

    Let’s try to focus our efforts and create solidarity. JazakAllah Khair!

    Respectfully, your sister.

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