1. I have the “Magic V”. What is the “magic V”, you ask? It is the magic vagina. Many women think all they have to contribute to the relationship is their body- more specifically their vagina. They think once they “whip it on” a man he will fall helplessly in love with them and they won’t have to do much more than that. I hate to break it you ladies, you have to bring more than your body to a relationship. (Aside from that, sex is a plummeting stock and the market is over-saturated with it.) The “magic V” will only hold his interest for so long. Eventually some other woman will come along with an even more “magical V” than yours. As my husband said, “The magic V only works for a prostitute trying to get customers.”
2. Mr. Right will sweep me off my feet. We all have had the dream. One day we’ll be walking along and bump into Mr. Right. He will be handsome, financially stable (maybe even rich), intelligent, sexually satisfying, and an all around good guy. It doesn’t matter where we are in our lives. We could be on government assistance, have children by multiple fathers, doing nothing to develop or improve ourselves (intellectually, spiritually or mentally) but feel that this guy should come along and sweep us off of our feet like a Disney prince. This dazzling guy is supposed to choose us over all the other women- including those who are developing, saving, nurturing and ‘growing’ themselves.
3. A “real man” will put up with me. According to some women, a man will accept her bad attitude, dysfunctional, destructive behavior or immaturity because he thinks she is so great. Newsflash! A real man, a mature man will see you comin’ and take off runnin’ (in the words of Erykah Badu). Why would a man want to put up with your drama? Most men want peace and quiet in their home. They don’t want to deal with a woman they have to parent and they CERTAINLY don’t want to manage your drama.
4. Having a baby will save the relationship. *sigh* Really, ladies? I know very few women would admit that they believe this but we all have a girlfriend or relative who did just that- she had a baby thinking it would prevent the man from leaving her. (At minimum he would stay connected to her via the children). The reality is if he doesn’t want to be with you he is not going to be with you. Not only have you created an unhealthy situation for your child but you have unnecessarily added the burden of single parenthood to your plate.
5. The wedding day is all about me. Unfortunately, the wedding day has become about adult women living out a childhood princess fantasy. Since many of us were little girls we have dreamed of the day when we would be the center of a huge, expensive wedding (complete with the princess-like wedding gown.) We no longer view weddings as the joining of two families, as a cornerstone of community building or the celebration of this new relationship. It’s about me, me, me and the fantasy I wish to turn into reality.
6. A man should be faithful to me…no matter what. I know this is a controversial one but hear me out. You can’t mistreat a man, neglect him, and fail to maintain your relationship (yes, that includes sex!) and expect him not to desire something more. You are sending your man out into the world starving for attention, companionship, tenderness, and with the desire to be treated like a man. Eventually, he will meet a woman who can do all things for him and more. She may be his co-worker or a friend of a friend. I hate to break it to you ladies but it’s only a matter of time before he finds himself drawn to her; looking forward to speaking with her in the cafeteria or in the elevator. Meanwhile, he comes home to you and there is nothing. There is nothing stimulating, engaging or empowering about his interaction with you.
No, this is not a pass for men to cheat but let’s not ignore reality or the needs that a human being- in this case a man- has.